"Where forgiveness is concerned, the ball is always in our court. If someone offends us, we should offer forgiveness. 'If you ..... remember that your brother has something against you ........be reconciled to your brother.' (Matthew 5:23-24). Offender or offended, the believer is responsible for seeking reconciliation."
In the atmosphere of IT'S NOT PERSONAL, certain disciplines come to mind, one of which is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is most times complicated as wounds inflicted with words or actions are not easy to forget. It is natural to respond to such pain with anger, resentment, and desire for justice more than restoration. At times, it may seem easier to move on without working through the past hurt. But unforgiveness seems to have the ability to trail after us like a loaded down suitcase, simply adding unnecessary weight to our travel, which eventually leads to exhaustion and sometimes even depression.
In our hurt, we pull away from God and distance ourselves from getting close to others, wary of being wounded again. This is no way to live!!!
What then is forgiveness?
1. Forgiveness is about obedience. We forgive not only because God tells us to do so, but also as a demonstration of our love for Him (John 14:15). We also forgive in an effort to move forward, seeking to live in peace with all people (Hebrews 12:14).
2. Forgiveness is not based on our feelings. It is an action.
3. It is about releasing control. We resign ourselves to the truth that we should allow God to be the rightful, merciful Judge.
4. Forgiving another person doesn't require their participation.
5. It is not about forgetting. Forgiving a person doesn't mean the memory of the pain is forgotten. It means we no longer need to live in the emotions of the pain, as we choose to move forward into a new normal.
6. Forgiveness is something that occurs again and again. The litmus test of whether we have truly forgiven someone is based on how we feel and act towards them. Are we kind, gentle, compassionate? Or do our words or actions reveal a bitterness, hatred or anger? True forgiveness means no longer harbouring harsh feelings towards our offender.
7. Forgiveness permits anger, but not sinning in anger. It's okay to be angry at our offender, as long as we don't stay in that place. Psalm 4:4; Ephesians 4:26.
8. Forgiveness is the key to removing the foothold Satan would like to have on your life, John 10:10. He tries to convince us that we don't need to forgive. As we buy into this lie, a seed of bitterness from the hurt grows inside our heart and destroys us from the inside out.
To truly forgive, we need to
1. Acknowledge the hurt.
2. Talk to God about the hurt and pain you feel.
3. Don't seek revenge and don't take matters into your own hands.
4. To process your feelings, you may write out your thoughts in a letter to the person, but don't give it to them.
5. Pray for your offender. This is one test of forgiveness.
6. Spend time studying God's Word for the situation.
Above all, enlist the help of the Holy Spirit for forgiveness. Philippians 4:8
